My journey, my story, is probably not much different than yours. At least in the pain and challenges sense. As an awakened Empath, intuitive feeler, and Master-Teacher-in-training, just like you, I've been through some "stuff" that has uniquely prepared me to walk this journey with you.
I have been where you are now and I suspect that's why you're here. For decades, I felt lost, alone, afraid, fragmented, confused and utterly hopeless. I had no idea how to create happiness for myself. For a while, I actually gave up on ever being happy and ever having what I really wanted.
And it wasn't complicated, that was the kicker! I never wanted to be a "Millionaire", living in a 20,000 sq. ft. house with 200 pairs of designer shoes, handbags and fancy cars. While that sounds nice, it wasn't what I dreamed about. The "stuff" was never important to me.
All I ever wanted was to have a loving partner, a dog and a cat, a simple house in a private location in nature, doing meaningful work I love that helps people and allows me to make a decent living. That's pretty much it. Not complicated or extravagant, selfish or petty...just a happy life.
I could never figure out why it was so out of reach. I was never happy, ever, in my entire life until I found myself and began living as my soul, my authentic self, the "self" that isn't concerned about what people think, or having to say "yes" when I mean "no", and who has absolutely no attachment to others' agenda, approval or love for that matter.
I learned how to give all of these things to myself.
But that was not always the case.
In August of 2005, I left New York City and moved back to Maryland, the place where I was born and raised. I had lived in New York City from late-August 2001-2005. (exactly 2 weeks before 9/11). I wanted to pursue a career as a pastry chef and unleash my creative talents after working the prior 25 years of my adult life in technology sales.
Without going into a ton of "story" here, let me just say that while my time in NY was joyful in many ways, I was ready to leave behind the hustle and bustle of the Big city and begin a new chapter of my life back home in Maryland and be near my family.
I was going to open my own bakery. I was so excited!! I was going to have my own business doing what I love making people happy with my sweet creations. It seemed like I was on my way to living authentically, as I truly hated technology sales and had a strong desire to do something much more creative.
My financing fell through and my dream right along with it. I slipped into a deep depression and was on the couch for several weeks in crippling despair. I truly hated my life and everything about it...and I hated me.
I took a job in foodservice sales to pay the bills or risk having to live on the street. I saw a doctor for my depression and began taking anti-depressants. I was in a job I hated, in an apartment I didn't really want to be in, in a city I didn't really want to live in, with no friends, no loving partner and frankly, not one thing in my life was working. To sum it up, I was miserable.
This went on until May 2006. I was invited to the beach with my brother. We drove in separate cars and I basically didn't see him the entire weekend. We were staying at a friend's house of his. While they were off drinking most of that weekend, I saw it as an excellent opportunity to finally end my life...and all of its misery. No one would even know or even miss me, I thought.
I decided to walk down to the ocean late at night, when no one was around, and keep walking until I could no longer breathe. It was early May and the water was freezing. I removed my shoes and walked into the ocean until I was waist deep. As I went to take another step, some kind of "force" stopped the forward movement of my leg.
Suddenly, a booming voice told me to "GO BACK". I ignored it. Then I heard it again, it said "GO BACK!", only louder this time. I argued with the voice, and said "Go back to what?" "I am not going back to that miserable life". The voice spoke again, and said "Go back now...", only this time it was much softer, like a whisper.
I was cold, frightened and felt completely alone. I was sobbing loudly now and trembling so hard my teeth were chattering. I agreed to go back but insisted things would have to be different, or I would have to go through with ending my life. I really didn't care. No great loss.
The next morning, I awoke with an unfamiliar sense of peace and clarity about what to do. I immediately drove home and reflected on what had happened. I was happy to be alive and for the first time in a very long time, I was grateful to be alive.
Early Monday morning, I was guided to seek a holistic psychotherapist. I found a woman who saw patients at an office literally across the street from my apartment home at a Wellness center. After just one session, my life had already changed.
She suggested I go to the library or a bookstore and allow myself to be guided to wherever I felt called, and to follow it. I was guided to the finance section, which I thought was odd, but I went with it.
A book with a bright, yellow jacket got my attention and I immediately pulled it off the shelf and began reading it. I was instantly and magnetically drawn to this book and I checked it out and went home.
I read the entire book in 3 days which was a small miracle. I had never finished a book in less than 6 months! I loved the book so much I returned it to the library and went to the bookstore and bought it. The book was "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" by T. Harv Eker. What I quickly discovered about this book was that it was not a book about money!
It was a book about personal development and mindset. Something I desperately needed. The book had FREE tickets in the back to attend a 3-Day event called the "Millionaire Mind intensive" with T. Harv Eker himself. I had to go. My life depended on it. And I had to meet this man! I felt certain this was my sign and my reason for "going back".
After reserving my spot in June 2006, I panicked and cancelled. I was afraid and I wasn't ready. I didn't know what would happen there. I booked again for August. Once again, I cancelled. I booked one last time, the final event of the year, for November. I went. My life has not been the same since.
My journey of healing and transformation is a long one with many twists, turns, teachers, healers, coaches and mystics. I am so incredibly blessed to have known so many amazing teachers and healers on my path.
I've spent well over $100,000 on my healing work and it's been worth every penny...and I'd do it again. I learned many "tools" along the way and I still work my tools.
I'm sharing my journey in hopes that you will see yourself in my story and know that when you listen to the will of your Soul, the calling of your highest Self, the answers will come. The help will come. What (who) you need and what (who) you are ready for will always show up at the perfect time. TRUST. Have Faith. Never give up on yourself or on life!
You matter. You are a Vital Soul™ and your life is meaningful and significant. You are worthy and you belong here. The world is waiting for you to prepare. The world is waiting for you to say "yes" to you and do what you came here to do. I am here for you.
I'm so honored to be on this journey with you!
Always with love,
Connie Nash, Founder & Creator
Vital Soul: Awaken to Your Worth™
"Living Your Real Soul Purpose"